I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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