I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
