Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
