that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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