I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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