So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
