I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
