While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
