We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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