I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
