Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
