i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
