marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
