jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize