just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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