when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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