I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
