Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
