And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
