when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
