Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Boobs speak an international language.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize