Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
