so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
