Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
