Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
