My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
