She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
