we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
