this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
