You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
