I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
