i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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