you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
