the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
