Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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