I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
