I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
