But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found puke in my bra..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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