I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
