At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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