before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
