a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
