Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
