its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
