Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
