he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
well you can't waste a boner
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
