Do you still have your period?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
