Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
