On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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