so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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