I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
