I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
