just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
