My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
