It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
