why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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