Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize