May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
