I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
