Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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