mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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