dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize