we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
