I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
