note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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