What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
